College for the first time

I have been working on my bachelor’s degree for over 10 years. If we’re being technical, it’s been 12 years since I left school, and 15 years since I graduated high school. A pregnant 19-year-old me, promised my grandfather, on his deathbed, that I would finish my education. So with that mission, I set out to make his spirit and my family proud. In an act of divine love and purpose, I recently found out that my diploma will show the date of my grandfather’s birthday. Confirming that my persistence has not be in vain.

It has been a journey of enormous adversity. At many points I didn’t think I would finish. I picked up a ton of hobbies, hoping one of them would turn into a viable career. I invested in relationships, believing we could build a more fortunate life together. I didn’t completely fail; I was able to build an illustrious career as an executive administrative assistant. A career path that is surprisingly well paying in the Seattle market, but I always knew I deserved more.

The decision to finish my undergraduate degree, actually started with me finding graduate programs that interested me. Programs I knew I could do well in, and a nagging quote from someone I can’t remember. “You’re too smart to not have any letters behind your name.” I couldn’t take a single class as a graduate student without securing my undergraduate first, so I buckled down and decided I was going to finish. One class at a time, until my Associate Degree from the local community college was completed.

In July of 2020, while the rest of the world was at a standstill, I received notice that I was readmitted to WSU, to complete the degree I started 13 years before. I was excited but I was anxious because I knew the road in front of me was not long but dense with adversity. The academic world can be a gauntlet, but I made it through.

My grandfather was passionate about education. He dropped out of school at 13 years old to help his aunt raise her 11 children. My grandmother smiles fondly when she retells stories of him sneaking into classes on Texas Southern University’s campus to listen to lectures, while never actually being registered as a student. After starting his own family, and growing his own business, my grandfather finished his high school diploma at 40. If he could stay persistent with his goals, it is necessary that I stayed persistent with mine.

My grandfather died the summer before the start of my sophomore year of college, I gave birth to my daughter that December. Now at 13, she will get to walk across that stage, as we prepare her for high school and eventually her own college experience. For Black Americans, education is an act of rebellion. An affront to all those who wish to still us still enslaved. A violation to the many laws written to squash our desires to read and write, because an educated mind is a revolutionary mind.

I still have plans to attend graduate school, I will reveal the program of choice in a later post. I am excited to see the trajectory this path takes me on, and glad to know my ancestors are smiling down on me with pride.

Broke, Alone, and Dangerous, but Still in Search of a Date

It’s easy to scroll through our numerous social media timelines and see complaints about the dating scene. We’ve discussed those difficulties right here on the blog. According to a recent report from a NYU professor, Scott Calloway, the ‘dating crisis’ is real.  The result of more women becoming educated, means that many men who have never received formal education are being left without dating options.

            Wall Street Journal recently reported that nearly 60% of college students are women. This is great news for women, not so great news for men who aren’t considering education. Women with degrees are usually looking for mates whose education level is the same or surpasses their own. Men who have difficulty staying employed and who never pursued formal education are being left out of the dating pool. Prof. Calloway believes that the lack of viable mating options for the class of men who are broke and alone, makes them a dangerous group, but I don’t believe that dating is the answer to this problem.

            What Prof. Calloway is describing, is a growing number of men who are being fed by anti-women, anti-progressive rhetoric. On the internet they’re called Incels. Incel is an abbreviation for the phrase ‘involuntarily celibate’, people who self-define, as being unable to get a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one.

            There are numerous articles covering the danger and rage of incels , so why do people think providing a violent group of men a family to funnel their rage toward is a good idea?

 “I don’t think men have to go to school to make money, or even to not be dangerous. If someone wants a family, money is important but not as important as character.”, said John Rogers, 35.

Rogers has an accounting degree but drives for InstaCart while he pursues other interest. He is a father already, but still unmarried. He doesn’t fall in the incel category by any measure, but he agreed with me that love doesn’t cure violence, but it certainly does prevent love from growing. 

I think it’s important for men to invest in their own future, as well as their mental health if they truly desire building healthy families and not just being coupled out of pity, or male entitlement.

The current social climate sees an emergence of nontraditional couplings of a large variety. People no longer feel restricted to only forming family structures under the traditional framework of the nuclear family that is, man, woman, and child. This shift in societal norms is revealing who was previously protected by the stringent laws of the past that were solely designed to protect a patriarchal hierarchy. A group of men who could shield themselves behind entering a legal marriage with a child bride, abusing single mothers, or their own biological families.

Sasha Travis, 32, is a single woman currently finishing her master’s in social work at the University of Washington, she had this to say about her dating goals, “Starting a family is not my priority right now. I will be done with school soon, but I still need time to start my career, and while dating is fun, you meet a lot of creeps and weirdos. They can ruin it for the larger group. It gets exhausting after a while. It’s easier to just focus on myself.”

  Focusing on yourself is paying off big time for women. The increase in degree obtaining women, means larger salaries and a more equal distributions of resources. This is better in the long-term for women, but what to make of the dating scene? That’s still to be seen. What I do know is that if incels are dangerous to the society around them, we need a culture shift, not more dates.

Programs used: Word

Date: 9/30/21

Al-Arshani, S. (2021, September 25). An NYU professor says fewer men going to college will lead to a 'mating crisis' with the US producing too many 'broke and alone' men. Yahoo! News. Retrieved September 30, 2021, from https://news.yahoo.com/nyu-professor-says-fewer-men-021341108.html.

Tolentino, J., & Farrow, J. M. and R. (2018, May 15). The rage of the incels. The New Yorker. Retrieved September 30, 2021, from https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/the-rage-of-the-incels.