A Brief Explanation of Solar Eclipses

Solar Eclipses have fascinated humanity for millennia. The prehistoric people of Ugarit, which is now Syria, provided the first record of a solar eclipse on a clay tablet, dated May 3, 1375 BC. Eclipses have been interpreted many ways, to mean misfortune or blessings. Feast or famine. The interpretation of a solar or lunar eclipse is really dependent on the culture of origin the interpretation is coming out of.

In tropical westernized astrology, solar eclipse represents time periods of intense emotions and actions that result from them, leading to a loss or gain. This could mean losing a loved one through breakups or death, but also gaining. We can also see large shifts in our careers, home life or any area where we plant our roots. These changes are not intended to happen all at once, instead they happen gradually over time, just as the moon and sun move through the sky.

We’ve discussed the esoteric beliefs around the solar eclipse, but is there significance to the solar eclipses that can also be backed by scientific information? The answer is yes. The great solar eclipse of 2017, provided scientist in America with an opportunity to study the effects of a solar eclipse on plants and animals.

Eclipses happen every 2 to 5 years, with total solar eclipses happening once every 18 months.  The largest effect on plants is a loss of 15-20% photosynthesis. Photosynthesis is how plants feed themselves. Converting sunlight into oxygen. During a total eclipse, plants are shocked by the sudden lack of light and once the light returns, they are producing less oxygen for us and less food for themselves.  

Animals, like plants, are also shocked by the sudden loss of light. Many animals begin to exhibit nocturnal behavior. Animals that are nocturnal are suddenly active during the time of eclipse and animals that are resting at night believe it is time to rest when losing the sun during midday solar eclipse.

Overall, solar eclipses are disorienting for all of Earth’s land inhabitants. We should wonder if fish or the creatures in the depths of the ocean that aren’t touched by light at all, are affected by what’s happening in the sky with the sun and moon. Some mysteries remain too great to solve.

Programs used: Word

Date: 4/30/22

Beverly, D. P., Guadagno, C. R., Bretfeld, M., Speckman, H. N., Albeke, S. E., & Ewers, B. E. (2019, June 20). Hydraulic and photosynthetic responses of big sagebrush to the 2017 total solar eclipse. Nature News. Retrieved April 30, 2022, from https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-45400-y

Weisberger, M. (2017, July 5). What were the first records of solar eclipses? LiveScience. Retrieved April 30, 2022, from https://www.livescience.com/59686-first-records-solar-eclipses.html

5 Steps to Becoming a Doula

As a practicing doula, I often get questions wondering how to start. The process is highly customizable and each potential choices needs to make choices about what their area of specialization should be. Birth doula is a big umbrella that covers fertility awareness, postpartum care, perinatal care, nutrition and even early childhood development. Below is an easy step by step guide to kicking off your doula career.

How to Eat Clean

Program used: Canva

Project Reflections: I am familiar with Canva from previous projects but really enjoy the simplicity of the platform. I have created Infographics before from scratch in Photoshop and it took me significantly longer since I have to create each element myself. Efficiency in work is important to prevent fatigue.

10 Forms of Media That Taught Me About Love

Love has proven to be an elusive concept to grasp. What we think is love, is often proven to be lust, and heartbreak seems to be inescapable. The present landscape offers much to be desire. Social media offers a lot, but very few answers about love.

I have compiled a list of 10 pieces of media that taught me about love. Each item on this list taught me something that freed me from my former ideas on love or gave me an insight I had yet to consider. Give any of these titles a try if you’re feeling deflated, uninspired, and unloved.

1.     All About Love by bell hooks

All About Love is a well-researched and well-articulated piece about the revolutionary act of love. Hooks is considered a premiere feminist writer, but many will enjoy this title. It is not filled with passages about how patriarchy has failed us, but instead how we’ve learned love from a place of pain and need assistance and perspective in relearning. Hooks presents many ideas, supported by other scholars of love, that open the idea of loving from being a sacred space of intimacy, into a way of life to live and share in.

2.     The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist novel has seen international success. Selling more than 100 million copies and being translated into over 80 languages, it is not enough to say the message in The Alchemist is universal. A story about a young shepherd boy in search of his purpose, The Alchemist shows us that searching does not mean you are lost, as well as the power of letting go. The shepherd is met with many opportunities to be happy and content, but at the price of his curiosity. He even finds love in a woman, who encourages him to continue the pursuit of his purpose. In this piece I learned that love should be freeing and supportive of our hopes and dreams.

3.     The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche

Rinpoche was a Tibetan Dzogchen lama of the Nyingma tradition. He wrote about the meaning of existence and produced this spiritual classic in 1992. This title takes us deep into the meaning of life, in a Buddhist framework. It shows us that the western view of death, leaves us fearful, and fear feeds our unpleasant behaviors. We are not good to ourselves or others due to our fear of death. This title taught me to find the fullness in life and those I share my life with.

4.     The Joy of Living Dangerously by Osho

Osho, also known as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, made infamous by the Netflix documentary series Wild Wild Country. The title listed here is one of many, but this is one of my favorites. He speaks of fear and living life in fullness. He also talks of love in a non-possessive way. Osho taught me that love is admiration of a soul, as they are, and not just in relation to how they make us feel. Osho encourages readers to see ourselves in the present and love without fear, therefore freeing ourselves and allowing more substantial bonds to grow with others.

 

5.     Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown

This is probably surprising to those who have made it this far in the list. It is a familiar title that many of us loved as kids, but what in the hell does it have to do with love?  My answer? Everything! Goodnight Moon is a story about child like idealism of the world around us. Saying “goodnight” to everyone from the mice to the moon is about deep appreciation of all parts of our life, and just the simple acknowledgement of care. A nightly routine is deeply comforting to children and so is this story to me.

6.     Teaching My Mother to Give Birth by Warsan Shire

Warsan Shire is a powerful poet who teaches us the beauty and the pain of women in her debut title. It is an intersection between love, religion, and womanhood. Teaching us that complexity lies in the lessons we pass from generation to generation. Writing from the perspective of a modern woman from a more traditional world, Warsan teaches us that love may not have all the answers, but it does give us experiences, that we grow and learn from. Love is the map we need to find ourselves.

 

7.     Corduroy by Don Freeman

Another childhood classic with a beautiful message. Corduroy is a book about a stuffed teddy bear who lives in a department store and who needs a home. When this bear meets a young girl who seems interested in loving him, he is devastated when he left behind. After hunting for a new button to make himself complete, Corduroy is taken home with his missing button and given a new one by the young girl. This title teaches us that we are enough even in our imperfections.

8.     Black Boy Gold by Jasmine Mans

An audio poetry album by a Chicago poet, it is an underrated classic. Mans produced an ode to the late Tupac Shakur and all the Black boys attempting to find her way. She criticizes the music industry and lessons but also speaks of love in a way that is raw, gritty, and uncomfortable. Black Boy Gold challenges us to step outside of ourselves and into a perspective of hardship. Encouraging us to love even when it feels most challenging.

9.     Baracoon by Zora Neale Hurston

Zora Neale Hurston is a goddess amongst men. She dedicated her life to preserving and documenting the history and culture of Black American, southern culture and folklore. Baracoon is a late release, given to us in 2019. It is a title filled with layers of intricacy on what it means to be Black in America. Zora interviews one of the last living survivors of the slave trade, a man named Kudjoe, who finds it difficult to share his story on many days, but Zora persist. It is a story of patience, love, and perspective. An opportunity for Black Americans and African Americans to find a bridge that leads to collective understanding. The persistence of Zora’s desire to preserve this history is a statement of love worthy of its own praise.

 

10.  Breakfast At Tiffany’s starring Aubrey Hepburn

This classic film is sure to tug at any romantic’s heartstrings. It is a fun and lighthearted story about love finding us when we least expect it. Hepburn plays Holly Golightly, a drifter with a shrouded but troubled past. She is seeking a wealthy mate to make her life easier. She meets a man who has selected the same mission for his own life. After a slow entry into love Holly must decide if what she always wanted is right under her nose? This film taught me that love is often where we least expect it, which means we may very well be blind to it. We may not always fulfill our fantasies but it’s possible that’s a good thing.

Programs used: Word

Date: 9/20/21

Wollaston, S. (2018, April 24). Growing up in the Wild Wild Country Cult: 'You Heard people having sex all the time, like baboons'. The Guardian. Retrieved September 20, 2021, from https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/apr/24/wild-wild-country-netflix-cult-sex-noa-maxwell-bhagwan-shree-rajneesh-commune-childhood.

About sogyal rinpoche. Sogyal Rinpoche. (n.d.). Retrieved September 20, 2021, from https://sogyalrinpoche.org/about-sogyal-rinpoche.

Sex and The Single Mom: The Dishonest Quality of Guilt

It took me a while to figure out where to go next with this series. There are so many aspects to single motherhood and single womanhood that coalesce, but are also starkly opposite. Many nights I’m trying to distinguish one from the other, but today, I found one that sits nicely at the intersection of both. Guilt is not exclusive to one gender, it is a feeling, an experience that we become more familiar with as we age. As I’ve grown and continue to grow I started realizing that most of us are experiencing guilt far more frequently than we should. Women and girls experience guilt on a more intimate level. We become acquainted with this experience early in our childhoods. It’s an experience I want to limit or eliminate for my daughter.

As the definition above states, “Guilt is the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.” or “A feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.” How many times has the experience of guilt matched one of these two definitions? The 3rd, informal definition, described as a verb instead of a noun, guilt is described as “making someone feel guilty, especially in order to induce them to do something.” Now how many times have you experienced guilt and it aligned with that definition? The answer is higher for the latter than the former.

We are often made to feel guilty about a hoard of things that are outside of our control. We experience guilt for canceling plans when we need to care for ourselves or our dependents. We experience guilt for not being able to say yes, when everything in our being is screaming no. We experience guilt for not keeping a spotless home after a long week. We experience guilt for leaving relationships that no longer serve us. We experience guilt for not liking “nice guys” and for falling for “not so nice guys”. We experience guilt for being. In all these examples, no one is harmed, no great offense takes place. Maybe some easily forgettable disappointment. Who usually loses when we are guilted into doing and being things for everyone else but ourselves? You lose when you allow guilt to take over your personal experience.

“The mother who stays with an abusive partner carries more guilt than her spouse ever will. ”

We owe others far less than we think we do. We owe ourselves far more than we’ve ever been offered. You don’t need permission to feel your feelings, to have those experiences. We deserve to practice a little more selfishness. At least enough that we eliminate the improper usage of guilt. Those who absolutely offend and cause harm rarely have to look their guilt in the face. They rarely have to carry the burdens of their actions. There are so many others who are willing to carry it for them. The mother who stays with an abusive partner carries more guilt than her spouse ever will. The “strong friend” that find’s it necessary to maintain her title, carries more guilt for not answering calls than those who frequently leave their calls unanswered.

We have to honor ourselves by only carrying the guilt that is meant for us. The heaviness of guilt does not lessen, it does not transform. The experience of guilt is a burden, that is an essential part of its effectiveness as a teacher. The burden needs to be felt by the offender, in order for us to transform. When we adopt this burden from others we rob them of their chance to course correct and improve. The identity of womanhood and motherhood has been one of self sacrifice for many years, but we can put that characteristic to rest. We can care for ourselves first, then everyone else. We’ll be better for it and so will the people who rely on us. Let them carry their share.

Programs used: Grammarly
Brief Description: Latest installment of the Sex and the Single Mom, reflecting on the guilt all mothers feel but especially single mothers.

Reflection: All of the Sex and the Single Mom post are deeply personal to me they reflect the complexity of not having a traditional family while highlighting the joy we still have.

Sex and The Single Mom: Baby Making Blues

In recent years, I’ve realized that just as many women, single, married or somewhere in between, are growing more and more adverse to pregnancy. With studies claiming that Millennial women are 50% more likely to experience depression during their pregnancies, than their mothers, it is not a stretch to reason why. With increased cost of living, cost of education, and the fight against generational poverty, many millennial parents are opting for one or two kids only. Some are opting for none at all. In a society in flux, where civil liberties seem to be increasing by the day and gender roles have become archaic, there is variety where there used to be none at all. Now more than ever, women get to choose when and where the right time to have a baby is.

For the vast majority of us, we hope that we meet our match, marry, produce children and raise a family. That is the “ideal” experience. Life doesn’t always play out so smoothly and sometimes single parents are stuck trying to decide if they want more children, and if so what is the best way to build on a mold you no longer fit into. In my first installation of Sex and the Single Mom series, I wrote about the difficulties of dating as a single mother and what that means. Through my own experience, I’ve realized wanting to have children as a single woman is a night and day experience from wanting to have one as a single mother. There is a healthy dose of naivete that comes along with wanting children simply because you’re in love with your partner. Experiencing the pitfalls of parenting and then opting out of the marriage portion, cultivates a wisdom that can only come from life experience.

Mothers, both single and married, can agree that an effective partner in co-parenting is just as essential as any other element of a functioning relationship between adults. Sometimes, people who are great partners don’t immediately become great parents, and awesome parents aren’t always awesome partners. It’s a tricky conundrum to navigate without idealism. So, what happens when a mother wants another child but doesn’t want the same experience they had with the previous father? In my case, I’m terrified about giving my next child a lesser father since my daughter’s dad is exemplary in his duties. Evaluating a lover for relationship and parenting potential has often made me want to give up the idea of having another child. In the air of “Why mess up a good thing?”. Even for those mothers who have had poor relationships with their co-parents, the fear of not wanting to repeat those experiences can be debilitating.

So what can you do, when you want another child but not another head or heartache? You take your time. You honor your intentions by stating them upfront, and you do a serious deep dive on yourself. Identify the ways in which you feel you have been a strong parent and identify the areas you think you need improvement in. Examine the relationship with your current co-parent and do the same exercise of identifying strengths and weaknesses. Lastly, plan for the worst, even if it’s not something you speak on out loud. When I asked a friend’s mom, why she chose to have only one child, she replied, “ I knew I could comfortably provide for one child, and I never wanted to have more children than I could afford by myself.” That single piece of advice stuck with me more than anything else. It was essential for me to identify that I could raise my children on my own income in the event their fathers weren’t able or unwilling to provide their portion. So, while a potential partner’s income is important to me, it’s more important that my money is right.

A good partner and parent should be willing to pitch in where ever, whenever. They should be family oriented, respectful, generous, and loving. This means watching for red flags that will typically appear in how they engage with their own parents and families. Do they speak of their parents in admiration or contempt? Do they see themselves as a parent? What type of parent do they want to be? Women are often too bashful in expressing their desires, in fear of chasing off potential suitors. Enough of that. Anyone who is serious about you should be able to answer all of these questions. They don’t need to be asked on the first date, in fact I recommend you don’t ask any of these questions on the first date, outside of “Do you want children?”. Apply tact and strategy, don’t simply be led by your emotions. Treat yourself like the best option and the best options will gravitate to you, or better yet, you’ll be able to see clearly, who isn’t for you.

Deciding to have a child as a single mother is a difficult decision, as it is for many parents both single and married. It takes so much effort, emotionally, financially, physically and mentally to birth and rear children. We shouldn’t make the decision lightly or base it simply off something as fleeting and temporary as “love” can be. We should think about the fact that having children creates familial connections whether parents chose to stay together or not. You will share grandchildren and big milestone events. You’ll share holidays, extracurricular activities, and day to day responsibilities. Pick a partner who compliments you and your parenting style. Chose a partner you can respect on all levels, even if you inevitably split. Chose a partner you trust to make decisions for your children in the same way that you do. Ideally we should have a good parent and a good partner all rolled in one, but if having children is a priority for your future relationships, pick a good parent first, a good partner will usually follow.

J.H.

5 Things I Learned in 2018

Writing has been so difficult for me. In 2018 I wrote two pieces for my blog after coming off a great writing year in 2017. So here we are 3rd week of January 2019 and I’ve finally quieted my mind long enough to write my annual post of what I learned in the previous year. This will be my 3rd installation to this practice and probably the year I’ve seen the most honest and transformative change in myself. I turned 29 last summer and reconciling what my 20s has been and meant to me has been agonizing and inspiring at the same time. With my 30th birthday a little more than 7 months away, I stepped into 2019 determined to conquer some challenges I’ve been making steady progress on since 2015. Here’s what I learned in 2018.

Healing is About Processing Pain

American society and it’s quickly growing health and wellness industry has catapulted the word “healing” into our everyday lexicon.  With soft pinks, deep browns, and ferns as a common aesthetics, the practice of “healing” is usually centered on feeling good. Allowing yourself to grow past your mental and emotional pain.  When I decided to take my healing seriously and primarily be accountable to myself (see what I learned in 2017) I discovered that the process back to being healthy, starts with pain. There is no transformative process that takes place without pain. From childbirth to weight loss, financial literacy to education. We will rarely accomplish anything without emotional, mental, or physical discomfort.  Healthy processing of pain is what healing is about. Processing pain is about learning healthy coping techniques. Without these techniques we have no choice but to return to our old ways of coping that usually lead back to more pain. If we can think of pain as being a purposeful tool to breaking through the walls our mind and experiences have built for us, as another emotion or sensation on a wide spectrum, we can make conquering it much more attainable. Researching and creating these new habits require patience. So, take in the full knowledge of what pains you and you’ll be on your first step to change. Recognize. Acknowledge. Accept. Act. These are the steps to changing your life.

Boundaries are the foundation of Self Love/Care

From a psychological standpoint, much of our emotional pain that we have experienced from other people is brought on by repeated offenses against our boundaries. Many of us learn that our boundaries are neither recognized or respected in childhood and naturally grow into adults who don’t know how to start resurrecting them for our mental peace of mind. Self-love and self-care are also popular words in the health and wellness lexicon and not surprising also focuses on feeling good. The love of self should translate to the healthy protection of self. Not allowing the ones who are interested in drinking from our cups to take but never replenish. People who insist on engaging with you, whether that be platonic-ally or romantically, must show a firm respect and appreciation for your boundaries. Most importantly, you must show a firm respect and appreciation for your boundaries. Setting boundaries was some of the toughest work I did this year. I had to set boundaries with my family, friends, and past lovers. I had to show myself that I could control the energy coming into and out of my life. Maintaining those newly developed boundaries was the most laborious part. When you’ve let people violate boundaries for so long, them seeing a big red stop sign on their next encounter looks more like an obstacle than a firm pronouncement. Regardless of the guilt, the shame, the impending loneliness we must stand decisively behind our choices and our boundaries. Those who refuse to respect your boundaries don’t truly care. They care more about their desire than your peace. If you don’t stand up for you, who will?

Build with Like Minded People

The first two lessons were lengthy and heavy, so I hope to make the last 3 concise. Build with likeminded people means stepping outside of your naturally developed circle of friends and family to converse and learn from people with similar goals as you. This experience brought so many amazing women into my life.  I’ve been able to build, plan, and map out ideas with other female entrepreneurs and get valuable life advice in the process.  It’s a little scary at first, but if you have confidence in your goals you’ll naturally attract others who also have confidence in the same goals.  Find your tribe and always remind them how special they are.

Observational Awareness

Not to be confused with situational awareness (although they’re similar) is the act of observing your surroundings and yourself in the many day to day interactions we have with people and triggers. When we feel ourselves moving from the space of emotional stability, this is the time to engage, observe, and activate awareness. It is a skill that must be built over time. It requires you to think and examine your emotions before speaking. If we can master this skill we can learn when to acknowledge our triggers externally and when to move on without an exaggerated reaction.  You save more energy for yourself and live more at peace with your choices when you act from observation and not from impulse.

 

Forgiveness

Whew. This lesson right here was the doozy. Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of those who have done us wrong but never apologized are some of the hardest emotional battles I’ve taken on in my 20s. No one does this life thing perfectly. No one has all the answers and gets it right the first time, every time. Forgiveness is the key to truly moving forward. I had to forgive myself for not staying with my daughter’s father and then the following terrible relationship choices I made for myself to give her the two-parent household I didn’t have. I had to forgive my parents for not knowing exactly what to do when they were still kids themselves. The most difficult forgiveness, was forgiving myself for pouring so much love, time, and energy into people who did not have the same desire to pour into me. I spent so much of my 20s trying to convince others to love me properly when I could’ve been loving myself all along. Hindsight is always 20/20, right?  So now I am grateful that I learned this lesson and am now doing everything in my power to love myself as thoroughly as I deserve. In return I’ve been a better mother, attracted better men, and have no unhealthy attachments. Life is good.

Sex and The Single Mom: Dating 101

• Note: Writing this piece was difficult because the nuance around single motherhood is so vast. I found it challenging to condense the results of my feelings, research, and observations to just 1000 words. Sex and The Single Mom will be a series of essay style writings that reflect on the different aspects of single motherhood. With that being said, I hope you enjoy this first piece. My personal perspective. 

   I was 21 when I officially became a single mother, and dating has been mostly a challenge for me. Dating in general comes with its own batch of frustrations, but young motherhood creates a unique system of adversities. Balancing my life, my daughter’s life, and finding a viable partnership that is not based on convincing someone you’re not a compilation of stereotypes can be downright exhausting.

   I’ve made my fair number of missteps, rushed into one relationship, was too casual with another.  Heartbreak sent me into a forced isolation which helped me see my marital and family goals with clarity. At 28, my mindset on dating has shifted. My daughter has a mother and a father who both love her dearly and contribute equally to her well-being.  I’m not hindered by thoughts of needing validation, a ticking biological clock, or loneliness. I’ve often joked with my friends, that I will either get married and have more children, or stay single until 40 and date a divorcee with grown kids, who I can travel the world with.  Companionship is less of a need for me, than a desire, but it’s a strong desire nonetheless. My story is unique, I have help and a strong village to support me, but that isn’t the story for every mother.

 I’ve never seen myself as lacking anything. Regardless of the consensus on single motherhood. Stereotypes of poverty and desperation hover over single moms from all around the globe.  In some nations, the stereotype rings true. The poverty rate for working single parent households in the U.S. is 32%. In comparison, Japan’s rate is 56% , in the U.K. 47% . Women on average are paid less than their male counterparts, so the evidence that single motherhood could cause financial hardship is most certainly there. Financial needs may drive women into the wrong relationships, keep them from dating outside of their socioeconomic status, or just flat out keep them single because the emotional and mental energy required to date, simply isn’t there.

  Single mothers worry about a plethora of pitfalls.  Child predators, insincere suitors, emotional IQ or lack thereof, and financial leeches. Since single mothers are often in a vulnerable position, there are many predatory personalities to be aware of. Having a carefree approach to dating and relationships is not a luxury most mothers can afford. Instead of viewing this perspective as a burden, I find it empowering. By knowing what you won’t accept, you have a clearer picture of what you will.

  7 years of dating, relationships, and heartbreak has made me acutely aware of the effects my love life has on my daughter. I know that she is looking to me, to set the precedent for how a man should be allowed to treat her.  While her interest in boys is still non-existent, I know that the day where they go from annoying to attractive is approaching quickly. Someone who does not serve my mental and emotional well-being, effectively challenges hers as well. A cost too lofty for me to pay for any man. My standards have increased with age and wisdom. 

  The checklist is long, but achievable and well deserved. I have placated men in the past, leveraging my own shortcomings with theirs. If I have this amount of baggage, they should be able to have theirs too.  I carry my added weight with grace. I give my daughter what she needs, and when I need help, I call her father. We co-parent effectively. The idea that I should accept someone else’s baggage because I have my own has melted away. I don’t have baggage.

   Mother, artist, entrepreneur, is my present reality. I am too busy for numerous “Wyd” text throughout the day, and too bored to pretend I don’t see the red flags of a man who is more invested in pussy than purpose. I can’t be available last minute. And sometimes I’ll “flake” last minute cause my child needs my attention more. Dating can be fun, and for the most part it is. Horror stories aside, assessing and examining suitors through the lens of single motherhood has helped me tremendously. I don’t waste time. I speak candidly, and while reciprocity is always wanted, spending time trying to convince someone to love me properly is an irresponsible use of my energy.

  I still want to get married, and I would love to have more children. I genuinely enjoy being a mother, regardless of the circumstances. I take that responsibility very seriously.  I can wait for the right partner to materialize, and if he never does, I can be content with that too. There is too much at stake in raising happy, whole children. My legacy is a living, breathing, 9-year-old, with a lot of confidence and plenty of sass. The partner that is best for me, will breathe life into me, and support me in being the best mother I can be right now. It will nurture my sanity and fertilize my goals. The evidence for what I bring to the table is apparent in the health of my child.

  Single moms are not for the weak-hearted. There is an added layer of responsibility. There is a high level of patience, security, and self-esteem required. In exchange you’ll get a skillset that is unmatched by most. Supreme multitasker, expert financial planner, and a woman who can literally run a household with one hand. Single mothers are amazing. The world takes them for granted, but that has no merit on how we should view ourselves. Don’t settle for less than what you know you deserve, your babies are watching.

5 Things I Learned in 2017

I learned so much this year, it has been especially difficult to reduce everything that has transpired in my life down into 5 lessons. This year, has unfolded in a way that I never anticipated but am exceptionally grateful for. That is not to say, what I have experienced, hasn’t been heartbreaking, challenging, and just down right depressing at times. The last 3 years have been a journey into my own personal perception, and ideals. Recognizing which ones were my own and which ones were a product of my conditioning from both my family and society. I reclaimed old lessons that I had long ago abandoned, and discarded old ways of learning that no longer served me. I have learned more about myself in 2017 than any other year since I’ve became an adult and mother. So, let’s dig into it.

Focus/Define Your Goals

The word “goal” is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, as the end of which effort is directed. Goals should have little to do with aesthetic or short-term gain. Once we reach the end of which effort is directed, we usually shift and define a new end and apply effort in that direction. Goals keep us on track, they keep us accountable, and they give us a good way to track the progression of our efforts or lack thereof. Defining goals should be based around changes you truly want to make from the inside out. Look at the motivation behind a set goal, and will it truly improve your life. Goals should also complement each other. For example, if you have a goal of losing weight and saving money, look for ways that you can save money that will also contribute to your weight loss goal like no longer eating out. With this method, you are rewarding yourself twice for one action. Skip the pizza slice and make a salad at home. You’ve just killed two birds with one stone.

Be Gentle With Yourself

When you are attempting to make great lifestyle or mindset changes you are going to fail. Count on making mistakes. Count on backsliding. Don’t beat yourself up for not being a different person overnight. Any change that is meant to be real and substantial will happen gradually. We afford a great deal of patience with others but rarely give ourselves the same consideration. Don’t be defeated by your thoughts of not being able to stick with something. My friends applaud me for my self-control, but I still see myself as undisciplined and unrefined. I see myself this way because it has taken me years to conquer issues in my life that others feel I should’ve overcame in months, or weeks. The reality is, we’re all refined in some areas and not in others. Keeping in mind, issues that took years to become issues will also take a great deal of time to undo. While I can be disciplined enough to write and publish this piece before the New Year, I’m undisciplined in the way of saying no to an extra pepperoni, extra cheese pizza. Don’t be so lazy and unconcerned that you make a lifestyle out of backsliding, but also don’t be so hard on yourself that you kill your motivation to keep striving. Be gentle with yourself. Talk kindly to yourself. Have the compassion for yourself that you tend to have for others.

Give Your Best Effort

For some people, your best effort will never be good enough, but that should not discourage you from always trying your best. Giving your best, putting your best foot forward is not about being THE best. It’s about doing the best you can do from your present space. Giving our best effort transcends monetary success. Give your best effort in your relationships. Be a better listener, be more willing to learn, be a better communicator.  We all evolve on our own timelines. What is best to you, may not be what is best to me, or may not see that it’s best until later. When we constantly give our best effort, we will always get the results we seek from ourselves.

Always Be Prepared

In the hood, we say “Stay ready so you never have to get ready.” It’s a Black proverb about preparedness. When you keep your focus on improving, your day to day starts to change. You become more thoughtful and aware of your actions. How something small like not laying your clothes out the night before, can make you late to work. That heightened sense of awareness is what being “present” is all about. Being present in the present moment affords you the luxury of accurately preparing for the next moment. Think about the things you do big and small to hold yourself up. Stop living life randomly and start living life on purpose. Stay ready, and you’ll never have to get ready.

Accept Responsibility

This was the hardest lesson I learned this year. I’ve always had enough praise, enough favor in my life that I rarely had to consider what was really causing me pain. From the outside looking in, I’m someone who is resilient, determined, and capable of getting what I want in any case. Unfortunately, that does not and has not translated into me being the best person from the inside out. I’ve been habitually disorganized most of my life. I’ve hurt people by being deceptive. Let people down by being careless. And this year I lost someone I love dearly because of this pattern of self-destructive behavior. I didn’t lose him all at once, like most changes it happened gradually. It happened after I repeated the same mistakes after telling him I’d change, I’d be better, but as soon as we made up I’d get comfortable and fall back into my bullshit. No matter how I twisted the situation, or highlighted the ways he also failed me, the beginning of our demise always found its origins in my behavior. I didn’t appreciate his reactions, and used them as an excuse to stay in my own toxicity. The truth of the matter is, I can’t be angry or resentful at his reactions without first analyzing how my actions brought us to this point.

When we split it was a major wake up call. He intended it to be. He wanted me to see why we were failing as a unit. Why we constantly fought and argued about the same things over and over. It truly opened my eyes, and I haven’t moved the same since. It took me a couple months to really wrap my head around what I was doing to prevent me from reaching my own goals of family and marriage. But once I gained some understanding it was easier to make changes. The path from that point to this point has been so painful, but pain transforms. When I stopped blaming him and started taking responsibility for myself, the ideals we were both striving for started popping up naturally. Things began making sense, and I started seeking out information he was attempting to give to me a few years ago. I had to discard some practices I had internalized from my childhood and from the negative experiences I had before him. I started to look within and pull out the parts of myself I truly wanted to see shine through, with or without him.

I’ve arrived. I’m at peace, I’m content with the direction my life is moving in. I have removed people from my life with ease because it became clear they didn’t care about my long-term growth, only reveling in the person I’ve always been.  These were the same people at the source of many arguments for us. Writing out this lesson was even difficult for me, because I’ve relied so heavily on my outward image that letting that guard down and allowing people to see I make mistakes too has been a huge fear. Your outward intentions must match the work you’re doing internally. For a long time, it hasn’t been that way for me. I was trying to find the easiest route to change while still staying the same and only chaos can come from that. I’ve learned a lot since 2015 (the first time I wrote one of these), but nothing has been more paramount, more life changing than learning to be accountable to myself, first and foremost.

2018 will either be another terrible year or a year for substantial growth. You will either soar, or be knocked out the sky. Regardless of the circumstances, your mindset should be one toward growth. Don’t let another year pass where you are still trying to break bad habits you told yourself you would quit 5 years ago. Don’t let 2018 close without looking yourself in the mirror and figuring out how you tick, why you tick, and how you could tick better. For all those who are anticipating the New Year with excitement and humility, like myself, be grateful for where you’ve been, so you can graciously accept where you’re going. Keep your head up, your grass short, and your heart full!

Peace + Blessings

Love + Light

J.A.H.

5 Things I Learned In 2016

Here we are at the start of another year. 2016 was wild, from the loss of legendary artists and entertainers, to seeing our nation elect its first reality tv star as president. This year has been nothing less than bizarre. This year tore apart our expectations and taught us tough lessons, but we made it through.

Just Do It

The iconic Nike tagline is genius because it’s simple but extremely effective advice. I have always been someone who can get so caught up in the planning of an idea that I often burn out before the first action item is ever completed. While planning is needed to accomplish goals effectively, sometimes the best way to learn your craft is to just do it, and figure it out along the way. We plan because we don’t want to fail but often times failure is our best teacher on what we can do to become better. So stop chit chatting, stop “trying” and get it done.

Keep Going

Yes 2016 was a shitty year, or at least it felt like it. The numerology points to the number 9 (2+0+1+6) and tells us to expect transformation. Is change easy? Hardly. Is it expected? Yes. We are only given two promises in life, that we will die, and that things will change. Discomfort is the key to growth, so we must push forward in the New Year and keep going. I started school this fall, and my first quarter was tough, but I’m not going to quit, I’ll pick up the pieces learn from my mistakes and be better next quarter. Nothing worth having comes without a little effort, and while this paragraph is full of clichés they all apply and they’re all true.

Fuck the Isms

It’s hard not to get discouraged by the racism, sexism, and bigotry displayed in this country over the course of the last two years. Election season was brutal this time around and our country has spoken on how it truly feels about multiculturalism in America. The reality is these systems of oppression affect us all but they can’t stop a freight train. That train being you. Don’t let the ideas of being marginalized actually cause you to marginalize yourself. Your thoughts are more powerful than any outside influence and we must practice positive self-talk and affirmations to keep our spirits high. Your soul is other worldly so don’t let anything of this world stop you from accomplishing your goals.

Keep Your Heart Open

The world has a way of making our hearts heavy, whether it’s dealing with abusive personalities, getting stabbed in the back by someone close to you, or just feeling as if you keep getting slighted by everyone and everything it can be hard to keep your heart open. Remember that you are only responsible for you and your feelings. If you let the actions of others change the ways of your heart, then you’re becoming more like them and losing yourself. Practice meditation, prayer, take a walk, and get some exercise. Keep your mind focused on what blessings are in your life instead of who and what’s wrong. Don’t close yourself off to new experiences and meeting new people just because your past experiences have been negative. Learn to read red flags but give everyone an equal opportunity to show you their intentions.

Make Peace with the Present

Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way we planned for it to go and sometimes we feel stuck. When you feel stuck in life, it seems like there are no options to feel unstuck. I had this problem this year, I wanted to chase my creative endeavors but needed more time and skills to do so, I’m not in a position to quit my 9-5, and the visual design program I wanted to enroll in requires me to be in school full time. How do you manage? Where can you turn when all seems to be wrong with life, but the options to fix it are minimal? A good friend told me in these times, it’s best to be still. Take a second to assess your life currently. Celebrate the parts of your life you enjoy, and find small action items to change the parts you’re struggling with. I took two classes toward finishing my degree, I failed one and passed the other with a B. Does it suck to have failed a class? Yes, but the bigger picture is I went back to school after a 4 year break and I did my best. I’ll take this quarter off and be more mentally prepared next quarter. I’m able to gauge and assess how much time I’ll have to complete assignments and study. We have to be okay with our present situation in order to think clearly about what our next move should be.

I hope this year is a good one for all of you. I’m off to a stellar start, I have a new position with a company that aligns with my greater career goals and I finally feel like I know what it is that I want to do. I hope you all find these 5 lessons helpful and may 2017 bring you a lot of peace and a ton of prosperity. 

5 Healing Crystals You'll Find In My Purse

Since we are approaching the space and time between the new moon and the full moon I thought it would be great to share information about the benefits of my favorite healing crystals.  Healing crystals are more than visually appealing rocks. Created deep in the Earth through the process of volcanic magma, continental collisions, water, and ever changing pressure from shifting tectonic plates. Crystals are millions of years old and hold information that we can all use. Used and adored by ancient cultures from Egypt to Mesopotamia, they have been heralded as mystical and magical for millennia. Below are just a few crystals I use and carry with me on any given day.

Citrine

Citrine is an amber and occasionally white or clear colored stone that attracts prosperity and abundance. Citrine is considered the money stone because of its ability to attract wealth, but this is also a stone of personal power. Associated with your solar plexus chakra, which is located right below your biceps/breast area, this stone can help increase willpower and focus helping us reach and accomplish our goals.

Amethyst

Amethyst can arrive in a range from lavender to deep violet colored stone. Its beauty is stunning and its abilities felt immediately. This stone is associated with the crown chakra which is located above the top of our skulls in a similar fashion to a halo. This stone improves mental clarity and intuitive abilities. Amethyst can provide great relief if you’re suffering from a headache or migraine. Just place Amethyst directly on your forehead or under your pillow to prevent nightmares.

Lapis Luzuli

Lapis Luzuli is my stone of 2016. Often found to be royal blue to light blue speckled with white brown or yellow. Lapis Luzuli aids in improving communication in relationships both platonic and romantic. This stone works in sync with the throat chakra and helps to support wisdom, intellect, and analysis.  This is a great tool for creatives as it helps improve clarity in thought and judgment.

Rose Quartz

Rose Quartz is a form of Quartz that is found to be a pale to deep pink colored stone. I purchase, lose, and give away Rose Quartz all the time, making it the stone I interact with the most often. Rose Quartz is aligned with the heart chakra meaning this is the stone of unconditional love and matters of the heart.  This is a great crystal to aid in learning to love self as well as being a better lover to others.

Sunstone

I first purchased this stone as an aid to Seasonal Affect Disorder. SAD is a mood disorder that is brought on by a change in season, specifically winter when there is far less sunlight. I live in Seattle where we experience 8-10 months of gray, sunless skies.  The lack of sun can affect people of color because the sun recharges their melanin both physically and spiritually.  Sunstone has surprised me because it has helped me in ways I hadn’t anticipated. This red, orange, and gold colored stone encourages abundance, leadership, and perseverance.  Since this gem harnesses the power of the sun and it’s ability to manifest new life and opportunities this is a great stone to use when seeking a new job or new leadership position. 

These five are my personal favorites, but this list is ever evolving and changing depending on my moods and needs. I encourage you to purchase stones in person. Peruse a gemstone shop or spirituality store and take home the ones that you are naturally drawn to. A great reference for learning more about healing crystals is linked here. Also check out The Crystal Bible written by Judy Hall. This has served to be an invaluable resource to me in learning the meanings associated with each crystal as well as how to care for and maintain their metaphysical properties. Do you own any crystals, if so leave a comment and share your experiences.

5 All Natural Ways To Treat The Common Cold

In an effort to bring content that my readers can learn and grow from I’m starting a new series that I’m adding to monthly. I want to encourage all of you reading to at least attempt to try healing yourself without the aid of chemicals. I am not a health practitioner, and life threatening conditions should still be consulted with your physicians. What I hope to do, is introduce tangible and realistic ways to adopt nature into your home and hearts. So read below to discover 5 all natural ways to cure the common cold.

Apple Cider Vinegar (AVC)

    Apple Cider Vinegar is a staple in my home from everything to cleaning and tenderizing food all the way to creating homemade face mask. This stuff is gold in a bottle. Two tablespoons of AVC in your water or tea in the morning creates a barrier that blocks mucus causing bacteria. Mucus build up is the cornerstone of the cold virus. If you already have a cold, taking a shot of AVC will give you some instant relief. Jam packed with proteins, enzymes, amino acids, and antioxidants, it’s no wonder this stuff can feel like a miracle in a bottle. While AVC alone is not a cure all, it is a great weapon to have when trying to overcome a sore throat and a stuffy nose. Be mindful that this stuff smells and taste very strong. It is best to take alongside or in your water.

Ginger/Lemon/Cayenne/Honey Tea

    This remedy gives you four tips for the price of one. This combination is a personal favorite of mine when trying to ditch a cold. Lemon is known for its vitamin C and is an effective way to fight off all the yucky germs of having a cold. Ginger is also packed with antioxidants that can boost your immune system, coupled with the cayenne pepper, this trio will build your immune system, boost your metabolism, and increase blood circulation. All three functions will help your body recover faster and flush out all the bacteria that are causing your sickness. Keep in mind you only need a pinch of cayenne, it’s very strong. Since this remedy can taste a little bitter, adding honey will make it easier to take down, but don’t underestimate the healing powers of the honeybee. Honey can serve as both a cough suppressant and a sleep aid.

Water

     Often times when we are sick we use the phrase “Drink plenty of fluids.” Many of us go out and purchase Gatorade, Orange Juice, or anything marketed to replace electrolytes. Both are full of sugar and can exasperate a cold. Drinking plenty of water during a cold aids the removal of bacteria from your system. Adding a little sea salt to warm water will flush impurities from your body. It may also send you running to the bathroom so beware. Steam (water in gas form) can assist in clearing stuffy sinuses. A hot shower or boiling a pot of water and then using a towel to create a steam box for your face will relieve some of the pressure sinus inflammation may cause.

NO Sugar

      As noted in the paragraph above sugar is not your friend when you’re sick with a cold. Particularly white sugar. Sugar feeds the mucus membrane that causes the common cold (the thick yellowish green stuff we cough up sometimes). Dairy products can also cause mucus build up, so be mindful to avoid these products as well.  

Sweat it Out

     Sweating is an optimal way to remove toxins from your body and skin. While working out or sitting in a sauna may be best, muscle fatigue caused during a cold will often leave us too tired to do anything. There are two ways I help myself sweat during a cold. First, make a bath as hot as your skin will allow and sit in it for as for as long as you can. Adding two cups of Epsom salt will aid in drawing out toxins and give you baby soft skin. My second method involves dressing in 2-3 layers of clothing, cranking up the heat, and staying wrapped in your blankets. If you use this method, I would suggest removing and washing your sweaty clothes, as well as taking a luke-warm shower to rinse off any residue left on your skin. If you can tolerate it, a cold shower is best because it will snap your pores shut and keep the remaining bacteria from seeping back in.

Things to Consider

Be mindful of food allergies before preparing any of these remedies for a loved one. Honey is not recommended for children under one year's old, as stated before, you should always consult a medical physician in the event your symptoms are too severe. These tips are provided as an alternative to chemically filled medicines we are used to taking. Results may vary from person to person.

Peace & Blessings,

JH

3 Healthy Ways to Lead a Happier Life

A year ago, I wrote something in my journal that has stuck with me every day since. “I have to work hard at happiness every day.” A year ago I was in a much more difficult place. I was in a relationship that I didn’t feel supported in, I was drowning in debt while trying to maintain my current bills, and hating my place of employment. Even though there was so much that was pulling me down, closer to the lower frequencies that are negativity, I refused to relinquish myself to sadness. I refused to accept the idea of being unhappy as my normal. In today’s society where our layered identities are attacked in various outlets, it can be difficult to find a space and time to just be happy. I had to coach myself through the darker time periods in order to create a light within myself to uplift myself. Below I want to offer some common and most of all FREE techniques to keep happiness at the forefront of your life.

Re-frame your perspective:

In a different post I will break down the science behind happiness, but for the purpose of keeping this post as digestible as possible I will cover the basics. Surprisingly, 50% of our happiness is genetic, 40% is controlled by our thoughts, actions, and behaviors, and finally 10% is determined by our present circumstances. With that being said, while genetics can’t be changed, we can definitely make the efforts to be mindful of our moods and how they shift accordingly. Both men and women experience hormonal cycles once a month that is closely tied to the moon cycle. By examining and studying ourselves in a way where we can predict these fluctuations in hormones and mood we can assign ourselves methods to keep us happy and at peace during those genetic times of upheaval.

Nearly half of our happiness is dictated by the things we do and what we think about. If you find yourself constantly feeling unhappy examine why. Is it your body? Your job? Your relationship? Once you’ve identified what makes you unhappy, and if it is something that you can’t immediately change re-frame the way you think about those things. Find the silver lining, or positivity in the issue before spending time on the negative aspects the next time it pops in your head. Secondarily, if your actions or behaviors are effecting you negatively, change them. This is often easier said than done, but draft a plan and start little by little until you’ve completely transformed the patterns in your life that have you feeling stuck and unsatisfied.

Learn the art of gratitude:

Gratitude is one of my favorite words and forms of expression. Defined as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation and to return kindness”. While gratitude is categorized as a noun, it is as much an action as any other verb. For myself, my gratitude is deeply connected to a higher power, but that is not true for all of us. Gratitude is more about intention than spiritualism, when we wake up with the idea in our mind that we are going to be grateful for all the good in our life both big and small we are setting the course of our day. Be grateful to be alive, be grateful for our families, be grateful to earn a paycheck, be grateful to see a beautiful sunrise on a long commute into work. When we stop focusing on all that is going wrong and start to appreciate the things that are right both internally and externally we began to manifest better circumstances for ourselves and the ones around us. Letting go of a negative mindset can be very difficult but all it takes is that half second to re-think that initial negative thought and turn it into an opportunity for gratitude.

The second part of gratitude is to return kindness. The best way to receive kindness, love, and opportunity is to give it to others. Helping others also scientifically improves our outlook on life and contributes to our happiness. Whether it’s calling to check on a loved one, stopping to help someone on the street, or something as simple as waving and saying hello to a stranger. These little things will boost the mood of the party you are blessing as well as boost your own mood and give you a greater sense of purpose and happiness in your day to day life.

The Value of Being Alone:

Often times when we hear this we think of spending time at homes watching TV by ourselves, taking the time to zone out at the gym, or reading a book by ourselves. All of these are great ways to start your journey with being comfortable alone, but there are steps that we can take that will truly make us happier people. For at least 15 minutes every day we need the time to just sit quietly, in silence with just our thoughts. Nowadays you hear the term meditation frequently. In essence this is what meditation is, taking the time to tune into your own mind while simultaneously blocking out the rest of the world. As a mom who works full times and commutes to work/school by bus, I do this early in the morning. I wake up at 5:45am and I take the 15 minutes before 6am to breathe, thank God for breathing life into my lungs and set my mental goals for the day. When I’m having a hard day, one where I wake with thoughts of stress and anxiety, I pinpoint the affliction and decide what I can do about it, if the answer is nothing I let it go and relinquish it to God to handle.

For those that don’t find comfort in God, assess whether this problem is so big that it is effecting you currently. Is it stopping you or preventing you from moving forward today right now? If the answer is no, save that problem for the day it is holding you back and address it then. Meditation is checking in with ourselves to remember that we need to be present in this time and space right now. It is removing the stress of tomorrow and the anxiety of yesterday and being happy in the moment that is today.

Working hard at happiness in a healthy and mindful way takes a lot of practice. We are working to rewire our brains and train our way of thought. Sometimes this requires letting go of decades worth of patterns and behaviors, but the pay-out will be worth it. We owe it to families, our children, and most of all ourselves to at least attempt to be happier. Life is too short not to enjoy as many days as we can.

Peace & Love

I Decided Not to Fight Homelessness

I’m usually a very private person. I don’t usually discuss my personal shortcomings openly unless I have wrestled with it and settled on my own feelings about it. It’s a tool I’ve had in my arsenal for years. It provides time for me to reflect without influence, and maintains this very stoic, brave, and tough outer shell. Internally, I’m wrestling with so many issues at once, I’m almost too scatterbrained to be organized. The sole root of all my material issues is money. Whether it’s the crushing weight of student loan debt, or trying to make sure every commercialized holiday is exciting for my 7 year old, or just getting the bills paid on time. I spend a lot of time thinking about money.

While I have made steady advancements in my career over the last 4 years, each position I’ve taken has been accompanied with a pay increase. As far as income is concerned I am in a class among my peers that complains about tax returns, stock price decreases, and the overwhelming cost of living that continues to increase month after month in Seattle. According to a national study in the Journal of Urban affairs, every time rent increases $100, homelessness increases by 15%. I’ve watched the rental rates jump from $1,000 to $2,400 in just two months’ time.

So here I am in a situation that has indeed left me homeless. Bad credit and the obsession to create stability for my daughter has left me scrounging up $2,250 a month, just for rent. And while I may not always pay on time, I always pay. This past weekend I received the news that my landlords would no longer be accepting my money, and that they were going to file legal action to have me removed from my home. A week prior to this conversation I was asked about whether I had a copy of the leasing agreement, because my landlords did not. I know my rights as a tenant but I decided instead to relinquish my rights to the property and gracefully start over from scratch, yet again. This was the third private home owner I have interacted with in 3 years, and they have all been terrible. When you need a place to stay, and your credit was ruined before you were even of age to ruin it, they jack up rent prices and offer very little in return for your money. They change leasing terms on a whim and drop by to pick up rent 3 days early. They knock on your door to ask personal questions about the company you keep and attempt to scald you like children for any misstep. Needless to say, they remind you often that you are just a tenant and where you are residing could never really feel like home.

I’ve kept all this in because I didn’t want to be judged, didn’t want to be called a bad mom, or irresponsible, when in reality I am the pillar of stability and responsibility for my immediate family. I am not only supporting my daughter. When I get in “binds” like this no one jumps to aid me because “She always figures it out.” The truth is, I do, I always figure it out. So in an effort to correct my credit, climb out of debt, and collect experiences, I will embrace my situational homelessness with open arms. I will not be any less commanding in my daughter’s life. I’ll have a cushy income and a lot of goals to knock down. I am cutting the ties of stability to test drive a freelance lifestyle.

Why? Because I am tired and weathered by the society that puts massive importance on receiving a standardized education and then ties astronomical debt to us before we ever step foot into the real world. Sick of having to be uncommonly strong and unmoved by hardship. Tired of battling egos with others who are no better or worse shape than me. I’ve been paying anywhere between $2,200 - $3,500 a month, just in living expenses, because that’s what I was told to do. I have been doing this by myself, with a little help here and there from others. I am relinquishing my faith in this system and putting my faith in God to lead me where I need to be. Taking things day by day and not stressing the future.

I am so outrageously grateful for the stability my daughter has in her paternal family. If it was not for her father and the force behind him that allows him to be everything she needs and then some I could not embark on this journey, I would be in a state of terror if this was not true for us. In that, I recognize my privilege. I have been offered a once a lifetime opportunity to shape my life on my own terms and I won’t take it lightly. We’ve all heard the saying “Be the change you want to see.” This is where I start. I get a chance to be artistically free, debt free, and most of all free of the deadly toxicity that is stress. This is just another bump on the road of life, there will still be those who judge, those who condemn, but I shared this because I know I’m not alone. This is a reality for so many, and the burden of this standardized way of living weighs more heavily on some than others. I hope to carve out a path that can help others who are struggling. Most importantly, I look to the future with joy and optimism because for once, I actually feel free.

Perfecting the art of Perfectionism

      I have always been the naturally rebellious type, but rarely for the sake of mischief. I can actually say it was the opposite effect. I rebelled against things that were harmful for personal growth and reflection. Didn’t follow the crowds or ever feel affected by peer pressure. From a very young age, I had no problem making up my own mind. Perfection was always one of those things that drove me mad, because perfection is nearly impossible. In a religious context, I was taught that God was perfect and since we could never be God, we could never be perfect, but instead should chase perfection in an effort to be as close to God as possible.

 For a while I did chase perfection. Always wanting straight A’s, wanting to be the best, writer, the best athlete, the most creative. It was not uncommon for me to get overwhelmingly jealous when I came across individuals who were more talented than me in the areas I strived to do well in. My first meltdown happened in the 7th grade when I worked tirelessly for weeks on a project for my joint history and language arts class. I got a B on the entire project, but my classmate received an A on the same project that I had watched him throw together in a matter of two days, in class of all places. I was livid. I argued with my teacher for nearly two hours about how unfair this was, all the while she was trying to explain to me that while the details of my project were more thorough, his illustrations were more neatly put together. Since the project was more visually focused and less about the information I would have to accept the lower grade. I was devastated. From that point on I felt, “What’s the point of breaking your back in an effort to try to achieve perfection, only to be outdone by someone with a poorer work ethic but more talent.”  I know this is pretty heavy stuff for a 7th grader to be thinking about, but that is what chasing perfection will do to you.

As I got older, I got more and more frustrated with measuring myself to increasingly difficult standards. So I stopped making perfection the goal and shunned the idea all together. Chasing perfection encourages input from way too many people on what the best methods of “being perfect” are. Coming into my quintessential rebellious teen years, I no longer had a desire for anyone else’s input. I still strived to do my best, but did not beat myself up for not being the best. This mentally alleviated a lot of self-inflicted pressure and stress but it also left me open to making mistakes that would take me years to recover from. Even after those mistakes I was still not ready to reconsider perfectionism. Why would I, when it was virtually unachievable?

As my thoughts on the creator changed and my perception of God became more centered on the relationship I have with myself, perfectionism started to become a necessity for achieving my goals, both materially and spiritually. Perfectionism is less about aligning yourself with the ideals of others, and more about putting forth your best effort for yourself. It’s about not being so quick to lean on our mistakes but instead, perfection is about always giving the God in you 150% of your effort. We will no longer be victims of circumstances, our vices, or be held captive to the behaviors of other people. When we chase perfection for ourselves we can never feel as if we are falling short of ourselves. We will always be improving within for the best possible outcome. We will ignore excuses, embrace challenges, and conquer goals. Perfection is nothing else but the continued commitment to oneself to be constantly improving and growing in the healthiest way possible. Traditionally, God is intended to complete us, to be there when we are lonely, to aid us in times that strength is needed. When we view God as an internal force not an external force, when we value ourselves in the same way we have been taught to value a higher power we are aligning ourselves with the idea of perfection. When we praise the God within us, we are chasing perfection, we are grasping it with every healthy step we take.

We must set personal goals, weekly, monthly, yearly, and remember to check in with ourselves and keep ourselves accountable. Perfection is the way we set boundaries for others, and raise the standards of how people are allowed to treat us. Ultimate love for self, manifest into the life we always wanted but never knew how to get. From careers to relationships, perfection will give us a higher sense of purpose. Chase your perfection, give yourself the love you deserve, and obtain all your wildest dreams. Excuse the excessive use of the word “ourselves” but I have to drive home that you and I are a collective, and by being committed to our best selves we are committing to a better world simultaneously. Perfection has made a strong push back into my life and in my perfectly imperfect Virgo way, I welcomed it with open arms.

I Went Looking For God & Found The Universe

I was raised Christian. My domination is Baptist, and I honestly have no complaints regarding my childhood in church. My grandmother is easily the most religious person in my family. Far from a zealot, but she is the matriarch, the queen and we all obliged to make her happy. What we all know about Black Church is it can be a long day on those wooden benches, but it was always entertaining. From Sunday School with “Sister such and such”, to morning devotion, the hour long sermon, and last but not least the call to fellowship. I did it all from a youth usher, to the children’s choir. I enjoyed that so much I eventually upgraded to the women’s choir. I deeply appreciate the fundamental ideas instilled in me at church. It fined tuned my moral compass and created boundaries around my big heart.

I haven’t regularly attended church since I was 15. Nearly 11 years later, I have no plans to ever resume that ritual. I enjoy going once in a blue moon, it’s the nostalgia of it that draws me in. I love hearing gospel songs and an ambitious sermon, but the questions I started asking in my early teens would never be answered in church. “Why are there 3 offerings in one service?” “If the holy trinity is the father, the son, and the Holy Ghost, then where is the mother?” Most of the time I would be given long elaborate explanations that never really made sense or answered my questions, or simply told to stay in a child’s place.

In High School, I started learning the history of the Bible and how it was written in a dead language in a largely illiterate society. Which of course generated more questions. From that point I began an unconscious search for God. I read a lot of material about human spirituality, reading about Buddhism, Taoism, and Confucianism. I learned that Islam is the most practiced religion in the world, and Hinduism also had a widespread following and it made me wonder. “How can someone go to hell when they never even knew Jesus existed?” I felt my way through some deeply spiritual moments, including sleeping under a blanket of stars on a boat in the Pacific Ocean.

During a bout of depression in my early 20s, where everything seemed too hard for no reason, I began praying and reading the Bible again. It was what I knew best.  I found parts of it to be absurd but I mostly found it to be inspiring. When I stopped trying to understand every verse in every chapter in every book, and instead viewed it from a general overview it read like a guide on unconditional love. From Job’s unconditional love of God, God’s unconditional love for his son, and Jesus’s love for the world. Every Bible story has an underlying theme of love conquering all obstacles. 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13 is still my favorite series of versus in the Bible. If God is love and love lives and is manifested inside of us, what does that make us? What about the other organisms on the planet? Since God created all that we know and see on this planet and beyond I started to look for God in the animals, in the plants, and in my child. I read more about science, math, and how it is ever present in everything we see.

I came to understand the universal order that encompasses not just humans, the planet Earth, and the galaxy, but the entire Universe surrounding us. So after years of unconsciously looking for God, I consciously came to the conclusion that God is an energy that flows through all living things from insects to stars. God lives in all of us, and we show our best love to God by showing the best love to ourselves and to each other. I am in no way suggesting that anyone should lose their religion and follow the ideals I have. I believe each of our relationships with that higher energy of influence is deeply personal. It should be shaped and defined in the way that works best for us on an individual level. For me, I find peace in believing that all religions can co-exist. That as long as the world keeps spinning and the sun keeps rising and setting that we are in flow with all things. I love the air I breathe, the people I meet, and pure simplistic beauty that surrounds us every day. I found God in the flower that grows in between the cracks on the sidewalk, and in the intricate patterns of butterfly wings. So what does God mean to you?

5 Things I Learned in 2015

        It’s that time of year again, everyone is making the proclamations of “New Year, New Me” and setting resolutions to be better. How did you do over this past year?  Did you accomplish your goals, did you fall short, or were you completely disappointed by your progress or lack thereof? However you’re feeling about the New Year, if you are alive and reading this then feel an immense amount of gratitude because you made it through this rocky year. The cosmic energy as well as the news headlines have left most of us feeling drained and overwhelmed. For myself, I have had a transformative year full of minimal highs and heartbreaking lows. I’ve gained new strength while simultaneously letting go of my old desires, wants, and needs.  It’s been a year of growth, sprinkled with some complacency, but most of all it has been refreshing. I am entering 2016 with spirits high and no worries, read below to find out why.

1.)    Beware of Toxic People

This is a tough lesson to learn, especially for someone like me who loves very, very, very hard. Our love for someone does not cancel out any negative or hurtful behavior or energy they may offer to us. When you realize someone is a toxic person it is your duty to yourself to remove them as soon as possible. How can you identify a toxic individual? This person will probably display some of the following traits.

·         Offering criticism instead of encouragement.

·         Constantly telling you your ideas, goals, etc. are unrealistic.

·         Judging your appearance, intelligence, and actions.

·         Asserting themselves as superior over you.

·         Tries to start arguments.

·         No matter how much you give to them it’s never enough.

Toxic people often exude negative energy. They see the world in a constant lens of gray and darkness. The perpetual pessimist. They will not aid you to accomplish your goals only distract you from them. Toxic People can also be people you previously had very close bonds with that you have now outgrown. They can be family, friends, an employer, or parent. When we reach new levels of understanding of ourselves and what we want out of life, it becomes necessary to shed old layers. There will be loved ones who fall to the wayside simply because they do not see your vision. Trust in yourself to know when to love these people from a distance.

2.)    Stop Making Excuses

We all have some goals that we have be putting off for years, whether its weight-loss (guilty) or organizing your finances (also guilty), the only real thing standing in your way of accomplishing your goals is you.  I have been developing this blog in my head literally since I was 8 years old. Although I had no idea what the internet would explode to be, I knew I wanted to write, edit, and own my own publication. The only reason Origin of Original is not as successful as it could be, or should be is because I haven’t put the time and effort in. For years we wait for the right time, the right people to come into our lives, and the right amount of income. We wait for everything to be right before we try to get right and it simply does not work that way. We have to put the work in every day until we begin to actualize the life that we want to live. There is no reason you can’t be the person you have always dreamed of starting right now today. I’m not saying it is going to be easy, or that there won’t be moments of extreme self-doubt, anxiety, and a deep desire to quit, but you will never know what cards will be dealt next if you don’t play the hand you have. Do the research, take the time to do it right, but most of all take the first step. That is the only way you will see the success you’ve always wanted.

3.)    Love Unconditionally Always

The world can be very cold and miserable. News headlines are rarely positive, we hear about death and poverty every day. People are struggling to make ends me and the price of living seems to keep climbing. We get hurt by people we loved, shunned by strangers, and taken advantage of by significant others. We carry the weight of all our failures with us everywhere we go, but the only true way to overcome the inevitable sadness we feel at times is to remember to love unconditionally always. Love yourself, love those supportive people in your life, and love the very smallest of things. Show the universe gratitude for a beautiful sunset/sunrise, for a clear blue sky, or a hug from your children. If we focus on our love of life and our blessings then the icy coldness of the world begins to melt away. Release people from your life by forgiving them and moving on. Don’t hold on to anger, grudges, and jealousy, or anything that may taint your spirit. Live in love and be the light for those around you. Don’t let the pain of a previous relationship hold you back from having the one you ultimately deserve. Leave your baggage at the door you just walked through and move forward without the burdens of the past.  Changing your mindset to one of gratitude will change your outlook on the world and transform your life. Try it.

4.)    Stay in Your Lane

God created a lane specifically for you. The universe manifested you into the person you are. Did you know that it takes sperm nearly a week to travel to the egg? Along the way the sperm are killed by the acidity in women’s vaginas and even once they reach the egg the sperm can be rejected by the egg. When you understand the biology of creating a human being then you understand how much of a miracle it is that you are even here. Your time of birth is specific to you, down to the millisecond.  Even twins don’t share the same time of birth. So when you think about it, your own lane is created just for you upon entry into this realm. Stay in the lane God created for you. Be guided by your intuition, your spirit, and your heart. Do what makes you happy but most of all what makes your body, spirit, and mind feel healthy. No need to look at what others are doing just focus on your path, your goals, dreams, and aspirations. Focus on the lane the Universe gifted you specifically.

5.)    Single ≠ Lonely

Single does not equal lonely, please say it with me one more time for clarity. Single does not equal lonely. As human beings it’s biologically necessary for us to be coupled up, at least at one point or another. It is quite natural for us to view single people as undesirable and unattractive. It is biology after all. BUT we are sentient beings. We have thoughts, emotions, goals, and desires.  We have free will and sometimes people choose to be single. Single life is the ticket to truly understanding yourself. It is a time for working on you. Being single gives you the opportunity to focus on your goals and dreams, but most of all your flaws. We need time alone to heal ourselves of the wounds caused by others and the ones we cause to ourselves.  Referring back to lesson 1, don’t hold onto someone who makes you miserable just to prove that you’re not single. Better yet, don’t maintain casual relationships with toxic people while still insisting that you’re single. Learn to love being alone. Learn to enjoy your own company and bathe in your own silence. There you will find peace of mind. Once you fall in love with yourself others will fall in love with you as well, because it will radiate out from your being. Love and respect yourself so deeply that others will have no choice but to follow suit. Single does not equal lonely. Single equals confidence and ambition. The ability to break away from the social norms and establish yourself as a whole before finding you equally whole match.  

2015 proved to be an exhausting year for all in my circle. For myself, I feel as if I have been drug through the mud only to come out golden. I learned my strength this year, I learned that there will always be obstacles but with hard work and dedication you can overcome anything and create the world you’ve always fantasized about. I am nowhere near where I want to be but 2016 has revealed itself to be promising but also mysterious.

Peace & Love 

Motherhood Versus Womanhood

I had my daughter at 19. It is a fact that I am never afraid to share. It is a testament to my strength and perseverance over the last 6 years, but it is also the most complicated layer of my young life. I entered college right before my 18th birthday and I had my whole life planned out. I knew I wanted to be writer, I had prepped myself for this since I was 8 years old. I selected a university that had one of the best communications programs on the west coast. I was ready to chase down a career in entertainment or corporate Public Relations. No one could have told me that almost a year to the day I stepped foot on campus, I’d receive news of my daughter’s imminent arrival.

August 2, 2008 changed my life. Not only did I find out that I was expecting but I was already 21 weeks along. With less than 5 months to prepare for my new arrival my mentality shifted immediately. At 19, I understood fully that my life was no longer about me but instead about this child I was going to bring into the world. My dreams, my aspirations, and what little innocence I had left was relinquished at that point. I was afraid and confused. Not only was I not financially prepared for a child I was not mentally prepared. My grandfather had just died and everything seemed to be moving in fast forward. While I was surrounded by family and love, it was still a very lonely and isolating feeling.

As time went on I began to adjust, my daughter arrived on December 12, after 40 hours of labor and 15 weeks of anxiety nothing could prepare me for the overwhelming love I felt the moment I heard her voice. From that point on I knew that I was a mother, a woman, and a role model. There was no turning back, and although I was only 19, childhood was behind me.

Six years later a lot is different from that snowy day in December. The father of my child and I have split and we have been happily co-parenting for the last 4 years. My daughter has just started kindergarten, taking her first steps into the real world, and now she’s capable of developing life long memories. That last fact is one that concerns me the most. It causes me to second guess every decision and re-think every idea. It has also forced me to revisit what I want to be and who I want to be, as a woman my daughter can look up to, and as a mother she can be proud of.

Motherhood and womanhood are not one in the same.  For many years the traditional idea of gender roles made this to be true, but in an era where woman are choosing to be career women first and wife and mother second that idea has become outdated. So for a modern career woman and mother it becomes a bit of a conundrum to solve. Where is the line between the two and how do you become definitive in both arenas?

I am nowhere near feeling like an expert in motherhood, I feel the way I assume most mothers do. Every year is new. New clothes, new milestones, and new challenges. No amount of parenting literature can prepare for the experience of raising another human life, but just as I mentioned at the beginning of this, couple it with the fact that I just turned 25 and am at that crucial point in adulthood between finding yourself and defining yourself. I love being a mother, I love walking my daughter to school, reading her bed time stories, and playing with her dolls. I love nursing her when she’s sick, putting band aids on her “ouchies”, and teaching her to conquer her fears.  I love every second of it but I am afraid of being nothing more than a mother.

I wanted to do great things and I still do but I often wonder how I can balance my responsibilities and my dreams, and does chasing dreams make me less responsible. Do I have time to be a mother, a wife, and my own person? Most importantly how do I define myself and my womanhood? The fear of being mediocre and average terrify me every day. I wonder if other young mothers feel as I do, or if I am fighting something that is inevitable.

Don’t get me wrong for 25, I am doing pretty darn well. I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment that sits on the beach, I have that great corporate job that I dreamed of, and my daughter is amazingly bright and intuitive. What I want, what I always wanted was to inspire and motivate, to help. I want to give a voice to those that feel lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, who dream of things beyond the typical 9-5. So I am writing you as a mother who wants to teach my daughter and the world that dreams can come true, regardless of the adversity we face. 

For a huge chunk of my adult life I have spent so much time putting others before me. My daughter will always come first. She's at an age where its essential that I put her and her needs first, but friends, family, and significant others have also taken precedent over my needs and wants. My goals have slowly morphed into something I no longer recognize. I've been chasing the idea of a family, because I never had one and also didn't want my daughter to be deprived of that experience either. The results have been damaging. My sense of self worth has become dangerously tied into my success in a relationship as a girlfriend/wife in training. I've tried to play all the parts of a Superwoman without having that "Superman" to depend on. I've damaged myself and others trying to subscribe to some textbook way of living that is neither realistic or healthy. It's left me empty and depleted. And now I'm not really sure what direction my life should move in, what my goals should be. Cause everything I cared to accomplish required the implicit faith in an another person to love in the way that I do. And I don't think most people are capable of that. I am too needy at times, and too distant at others. I'm full of contradictions. I'm flawed, broken, and still recovering from the realization of my existence.You know, that moment you realize  how fucked up your family is and subsequently how fucked up you are because of it. I'm living all of these things right now.

I'm a kickass mother, and I don't have the best of everything but I'm sure my daughter doesn't realize otherwise. She is loved, she is intelligent, and she is confident. She stands up for herself on the playground but is still gentle and loving enough to understand the needs of small children. Her greatness reflects light onto me that lets me know I'm doing a great job at mothering.

Being a woman, and defining exactly what that means is what I struggle with. The first thing I've had to let go of, is being a woman and how it is defined has nothing to do with the man in your life and everything to do with the standards you set for yourself. I'm still learning what those standards are for me. Still learning my own authenticity. I have taken the good things from grandmothers, aunts, and my mother have shown me and decided I wanted similar but different experiences, but the different I was experiencing was not one framed for me, but for someone else by someone else.  But I know I'm on the right track and while things in life aren't perfect, and I continue to be imperfect. I am still trying. Even if I fail today, I'm still trying. And at 25, even with all my uncertainty I know that the woman I am now is still powerful and courageous in ways that my daughter will be proud of, and that  I can be proud of also.

Peace

Why Breaking Up is Harder in Adulthood

By the time you reach your mid-twenties it’s safe to say you’ve had your heartbroken at least once or twice, (thrice in some cases) before, during, and after a break up. A great deal of us experienced our first break up in high school. High school, being the pinnacle of every teenager’s life. The single greatest moment in our lives pre graduation, and the kick to the gut from reality. Most of us can remember our first heartbreak/break up as being devastating. Those tear filled nights post break up that last for weeks, or even months, fail comparably to emotional toll adult break ups can have on your psyche.

    As children the single greatest thing we hoped for was adulthood. Somewhere along the lines we develop this idea that adulthood is synonymous with freedom, when the very cruel reality is quite the opposite. We are rarely free to do anything once we enter the working world. We aren’t free to take days off whenever we please, have unscheduled summer vacations, or stay up way past our bed times.  With adulthood comes good choices, and bad choices. Each with their own set of consequences. The only freedom we are allotted is the freedom to choose between the former and the latter. As children and well up into early adulthood we are also allowed to emote. We can cry if were hurt, we can scream if we’re angry, and we can even take breaks if we are generally having a terrible day. Those luxuries are not here in adulthood and this is my primary argument for why break ups suck as an adult.

 
    Maturity. We are expected to be emotionally and mentally mature enough to handle the side effects of a failed relationship. Friends and family often expect us to pick up where we left off before we met our significant other. They offer words of solace such as “You’ll find better.” “Or be grateful it’s over.” Without fully acknowledging the mental and emotional healing we have all experienced at one point or another due to a break up. 

    Break ups have this way of quietly tearing us apart at the seams, we aren’t allowed to emote with our friends, our families, and especially not at work. There are no bereavement days for break ups. We offer more condolences to the death of a loved one, than the death of a loved lost when the processes are very similar. We take a blow to our self-esteem, that often makes us wonder, are we good enough to actually be in a relationship at all. In high school the break up was almost a social gathering, you rally around your friends and uplift them. As adults, the break up can be a very isolating experience. 

    We are a product of our upbringing. When we haven’t fully dealt with the results of our past it can cause even more emotional upheaval during break ups. I, for example, grew up with an absent father. My relationships have been filled with me trying to please my partners even if it means I’m not happy, and an insecure feeling post break up of “Why do I drive all the men in my life away.” no matter how justified the reason for splitting is. Without acknowledging our past issues it is hard for us not to carry the issues from our last relationship into the next, thus creating a cycle. Even with the acknowledgement of such issues, as adults were expected to just get over it.  When in actuality, repairing our wounds require time, patience, and sometimes a lot of help from others. 

    My final point speaks to the fact that break ups aren’t as simple as they were as teenagers. We don’t break up with our significant others because our secret crush asked us to prom, or because summer break is approaching and you don’t want to be tied down. Break ups happen in adulthood as a result of infidelity, financial strain, difference in family values, and competing outlooks of the future. The reason for break ups are not black and white which can make the aftermath that much harder. It is not uncommon for us to reflect on the, who, what, when, where, and why? We can spend weeks, months, and in some cases years, analyzing why our last relationship failed. That type of internal stress can breed fear that can hinder you from growing healthy relationships in the future. 

    The results of our break ups are somewhat far reaching in adulthood. You can’t just wash your hands of your last situation, you may even be asked by a new potential partner why the last relationship ended. It’s important that as adults we take time to self-reflect and self-repair ourselves. We have to create the space and time to do so, because day to day life simply won’t allow for it. We were in such a rush to grow up, now looking back we realize being a teenager wasn’t all that bad.
 

5 Things I Learned in 2014

In true procrastinator fashion I've prolonged adding new material to Origin. So here we are 2/3 of the way through January and I thought I would share my 5 things I learned in 2014. In my defense the wrap up to my year was explosively transitional. Filled with a myriad of emotions. So three to four weeks was probably needed to sort through it all.

I think it’s important to self-reflect in a positive and healthy way as often as possible. Especially over the course of a year, if we can identify the lessons that’s we’ve learned we can better sculpt the direction we are headed in. In 2014, I turned 25, I hit my first one year anniversary at a job, and I experienced some heartache. Below are the 5 lessons I pulled from my year and hopefully you can find them helpful too.

1.       Health is wealth

Remember when you would eat candy, pizza, and fast food all the time and your parents would say “All that is going to catch up to you one day.” Well entering year 25 I realized they were telling the truth. Eating right and exercising seem to be the new “it” things to do, but health goes far beyond the body. Mental and emotional health are equally important especially in today’s world. Often times we are bombarded with violent imagery, sadistic news, and overall negativity from our social media feeds. Remember to take some time each day and unwind in silence. Whether it’s reading, listening to music, or just taking a walk. Our mind is both powerful and delicate, and we have to treat it as such.

If you find yourself not being able to shake off that negativity, or you often feel sad, lonely, and tired you may be suffering from depression. Never be afraid to seek out professional therapy to work through some of your internal issues, especially after a major crisis or transition in your life. Making that choice can be the difference between life and death. So always be vigilant about your mental health.

Although I glazed over the subject, nutrition is essential to maintaining a healthy body and a happy mind. Eating fruits, vegetables, protein and drinking a large dose of water can give you energy and brighten your mood. Eating clean is something I am starting to research and implement in my life. Cutting out processed foods, carbs, and sugar can not only aid in dramatic weight loss but improve overall health, including reversing and preventing a number of diseases. Diabetes and Alzheimer’s being two of the huge ones that inspired this change for myself.

2.       Take Risk!

Most people don’t like change, especially when things are going well. There is a fine line between content and complacent and most of us slip easily into complacency because of familiarity, routine, and responsibilities. Even with the day to day hustle and bustle keeping us focused on what’s right in front of us, I often find myself day dreaming of extravagant things and places.

We all have dreams, whether it’s going back to school, that great business idea you've written down and haven’t developed, or investing in someone else’s start up, we should never be afraid of taking a leap out of our comfort zone. We should explore new interest, new places, and new opportunity whenever we can. Is money an issue? Museums often times have free admission days, some yoga studios offer classes for free or for donations, and GroupOn and Living Social offer fantastic vacation packages for a shockingly affordable price.  Don’t be afraid to do the research and look into whatever it is your heart is yearning to do. Often times the only thing that is holding us back from achieving the things we desire is taking that first step.

3.       Organize. Organize. Organize.

This is the most challenging task for me going into the New Year, but last year taught me that not only does clearing clutter from your home or office create a more visually appealing space, it also helps calm the mind and streamline our thoughts. It is also a huge preventative step that helps keep situations from going awry. When you take the time to organize your life you switch gears from playing catch up from behind, to being ahead of the curve.  

For myself, the hardest part is deciding where to start, and my best piece of advice is to start small, clean out that draw in your kitchen with all the random papers, pens, and other household clutter. Even if it’s just picking one project per week until everything has its own place. Once everything has its place remember to put things back in their place after using them. Using a planner can also help keep you on track. The most effective thing I did was blend my work calendar and personal calendar together using an app on my phone. This way I know everything that is expected of me in advance. These are habits that take time to build but are certainly worth the reward in the end.

Organization skills can translate over to your finances, your career, and certainly your dreams. Striving for organization, not perfection, is the key to getting things done without expending an excessive amount of energy.  Organization can also be the killer of procrastination which is something we can all afford to get rid of. Time is precious we might as well make the most of it!

4.       There is no one size fits all.

We live in a world of “norms”. The media tells us what’s trendy, what’s beautiful, what to eat, and who to watch. Sometimes what we see and hear every day can manifest into insecurities or excessive spending just to keep up with the ever evolving societal ideas. What we all must remember, is the world is full of diverse people and cultures. There is literally something out there for everyone.

The last year has taught me the importance of shedding judgmental views and accepting people for their differences in culture, religion, career, or something as simple as relationship dynamics. There is no one size fits all for happiness. While morally I can’t put my stamp of approval on every lifestyle that individuals choose to live, I can view it, have my opinion on it, and move forward without letting it disrupt my peace. We should be looking for people who fit our version of happy and should be able to respect others as we too want to be respected. It is fine to live your life however you choose, until your lifestyle starts encroaching on, or hurting others. Decide for yourself what makes you happy and things will naturally fall into place.

5.       Love of/for Self

Finally, this brings me to my last point. Love yourself. This has become a necessary cliché in online media but I think it is a lesson that is relevant for the young and old alike. We get trapped in other people’s happiness and then make it our own. Whether it be our parents, significant other, friends, and even our employer. When we spend a lot of time trying to please others we neglect ourselves and encourage others to neglect us as well. It is important that everyone, men and women, take the time to learn and love themselves.

Spend time with yourself. Take yourself to dinner, an art gallery, a movie, or a day at the spa. Inquire with your family about memories of yourself as a child, write a list of all the things you love about yourself as well as a list of characteristics you would want to improve upon. When we spend as much time nurturing our soul as we do our wallets and our closest. We emerge as selfless beings even more so than before. We know how to give and how to take. We know how to set standards for our self which in turn teaches others how to treat us.

If you find that you are being treated poorly by someone in your life then remove them. Anything that does not serve you to be a happier, healthier, growing, person should be promptly discarded. While all these things listed here are easier said than done, we should be trying our best to move closer to our inner light. We owe it to ourselves to thrive not just survive. Once you establish peace within yourself you can be a beam of inspiration to those around you. 

2015 has revealed itself to be a year of new experiences and abundant opportunities. With the end of 2014 I shed my worries of the unknown and entered the new year with confidence and excitement. Change is the only constant and death is the only promise so we might as well live our life in the most diverse dynamic way possible. Travel, laugh, cry, and splurge (when appropriate). Life is so short and what good are we doing ourselves if we fit neatly inside any one of these boxes that society has laid out for us. Be healthy, be prosperous, and be blessed.

Peace & Love

Jacqueline H.