I learned so much this year, it has been especially difficult to reduce everything that has transpired in my life down into 5 lessons. This year, has unfolded in a way that I never anticipated but am exceptionally grateful for. That is not to say, what I have experienced, hasn’t been heartbreaking, challenging, and just down right depressing at times. The last 3 years have been a journey into my own personal perception, and ideals. Recognizing which ones were my own and which ones were a product of my conditioning from both my family and society. I reclaimed old lessons that I had long ago abandoned, and discarded old ways of learning that no longer served me. I have learned more about myself in 2017 than any other year since I’ve became an adult and mother. So, let’s dig into it.

Focus/Define Your Goals

The word “goal” is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, as the end of which effort is directed. Goals should have little to do with aesthetic or short-term gain. Once we reach the end of which effort is directed, we usually shift and define a new end and apply effort in that direction. Goals keep us on track, they keep us accountable, and they give us a good way to track the progression of our efforts or lack thereof. Defining goals should be based around changes you truly want to make from the inside out. Look at the motivation behind a set goal, and will it truly improve your life. Goals should also complement each other. For example, if you have a goal of losing weight and saving money, look for ways that you can save money that will also contribute to your weight loss goal like no longer eating out. With this method, you are rewarding yourself twice for one action. Skip the pizza slice and make a salad at home. You’ve just killed two birds with one stone.

Be Gentle With Yourself

When you are attempting to make great lifestyle or mindset changes you are going to fail. Count on making mistakes. Count on backsliding. Don’t beat yourself up for not being a different person overnight. Any change that is meant to be real and substantial will happen gradually. We afford a great deal of patience with others but rarely give ourselves the same consideration. Don’t be defeated by your thoughts of not being able to stick with something. My friends applaud me for my self-control, but I still see myself as undisciplined and unrefined. I see myself this way because it has taken me years to conquer issues in my life that others feel I should’ve overcame in months, or weeks. The reality is, we’re all refined in some areas and not in others. Keeping in mind, issues that took years to become issues will also take a great deal of time to undo. While I can be disciplined enough to write and publish this piece before the New Year, I’m undisciplined in the way of saying no to an extra pepperoni, extra cheese pizza. Don’t be so lazy and unconcerned that you make a lifestyle out of backsliding, but also don’t be so hard on yourself that you kill your motivation to keep striving. Be gentle with yourself. Talk kindly to yourself. Have the compassion for yourself that you tend to have for others.

Give Your Best Effort

For some people, your best effort will never be good enough, but that should not discourage you from always trying your best. Giving your best, putting your best foot forward is not about being THE best. It’s about doing the best you can do from your present space. Giving our best effort transcends monetary success. Give your best effort in your relationships. Be a better listener, be more willing to learn, be a better communicator. We all evolve on our own timelines. What is best to you, may not be what is best to me, or may not see that it’s best until later. When we constantly give our best effort, we will always get the results we seek from ourselves.

Always Be Prepared

In the hood, we say “Stay ready so you never have to get ready.” It’s a Black proverb about preparedness. When you keep your focus on improving, your day to day starts to change. You become more thoughtful and aware of your actions. How something small like not laying your clothes out the night before, can make you late to work. That heightened sense of awareness is what being “present” is all about. Being present in the present moment affords you the luxury of accurately preparing for the next moment. Think about the things you do big and small to hold yourself up. Stop living life randomly and start living life on purpose. Stay ready, and you’ll never have to get ready.

Accept Responsibility

This was the hardest lesson I learned this year. I’ve always had enough praise, enough favor in my life that I rarely had to consider what was really causing me pain. From the outside looking in, I’m someone who is resilient, determined, and capable of getting what I want in any case. Unfortunately, that does not and has not translated into me being the best person from the inside out. I’ve been habitually disorganized most of my life. I’ve hurt people by being deceptive. Let people down by being careless. And this year I lost someone I love dearly because of this pattern of self-destructive behavior. I didn’t lose him all at once, like most changes it happened gradually. It happened after I repeated the same mistakes after telling him I’d change, I’d be better, but as soon as we made up I’d get comfortable and fall back into my bullshit. No matter how I twisted the situation, or highlighted the ways he also failed me, the beginning of our demise always found its origins in my behavior. I didn’t appreciate his reactions, and used them as an excuse to stay in my own toxicity. The truth of the matter is, I can’t be angry or resentful at his reactions without first analyzing how my actions brought us to this point.

When we split it was a major wake up call. He intended it to be. He wanted me to see why we were failing as a unit. Why we constantly fought and argued about the same things over and over. It truly opened my eyes, and I haven’t moved the same since. It took me a couple months to really wrap my head around what I was doing to prevent me from reaching my own goals of family and marriage. But once I gained some understanding it was easier to make changes. The path from that point to this point has been so painful, but pain transforms. When I stopped blaming him and started taking responsibility for myself, the ideals we were both striving for started popping up naturally. Things began making sense, and I started seeking out information he was attempting to give to me a few years ago. I had to discard some practices I had internalized from my childhood and from the negative experiences I had before him. I started to look within and pull out the parts of myself I truly wanted to see shine through, with or without him.

I’ve arrived. I’m at peace, I’m content with the direction my life is moving in. I have removed people from my life with ease because it became clear they didn’t care about my long-term growth, only reveling in the person I’ve always been. These were the same people at the source of many arguments for us. Writing out this lesson was even difficult for me, because I’ve relied so heavily on my outward image that letting that guard down and allowing people to see I make mistakes too has been a huge fear. Your outward intentions must match the work you’re doing internally. For a long time, it hasn’t been that way for me. I was trying to find the easiest route to change while still staying the same and only chaos can come from that. I’ve learned a lot since 2015 (the first time I wrote one of these), but nothing has been more paramount, more life changing than learning to be accountable to myself, first and foremost.

2018 will either be another terrible year or a year for substantial growth. You will either soar, or be knocked out the sky. Regardless of the circumstances, your mindset should be one toward growth. Don’t let another year pass where you are still trying to break bad habits you told yourself you would quit 5 years ago. Don’t let 2018 close without looking yourself in the mirror and figuring out how you tick, why you tick, and how you could tick better. For all those who are anticipating the New Year with excitement and humility, like myself, be grateful for where you’ve been, so you can graciously accept where you’re going. Keep your head up, your grass short, and your heart full!

Peace + Blessings

Love + Light

J.A.H.

It’s that time of year again, everyone is making the proclamations of “New Year, New Me” and setting resolutions to be better. How did you do over this past year? Did you accomplish your goals, did you fall short, or were you completely disappointed by your progress or lack thereof? However you’re feeling about the New Year, if you are alive and reading this then feel an immense amount of gratitude because you made it through this rocky year. The cosmic energy as well as the news headlines have left most of us feeling drained and overwhelmed. For myself, I have had a transformative year full of minimal highs and heartbreaking lows. I’ve gained new strength while simultaneously letting go of my old desires, wants, and needs. It’s been a year of growth, sprinkled with some complacency, but most of all it has been refreshing. I am entering 2016 with spirits high and no worries, read below to find out why.

1.) Beware of Toxic People

This is a tough lesson to learn, especially for someone like me who loves very, very, very hard. Our love for someone does not cancel out any negative or hurtful behavior or energy they may offer to us. When you realize someone is a toxic person it is your duty to yourself to remove them as soon as possible. How can you identify a toxic individual? This person will probably display some of the following traits.

· Offering criticism instead of encouragement.

· Constantly telling you your ideas, goals, etc. are unrealistic.

· Judging your appearance, intelligence, and actions.

· Asserting themselves as superior over you.

· Tries to start arguments.

· No matter how much you give to them it’s never enough.

Toxic people often exude negative energy. They see the world in a constant lens of gray and darkness. The perpetual pessimist. They will not aid you to accomplish your goals only distract you from them. Toxic People can also be people you previously had very close bonds with that you have now outgrown. They can be family, friends, an employer, or parent. When we reach new levels of understanding of ourselves and what we want out of life, it becomes necessary to shed old layers. There will be loved ones who fall to the wayside simply because they do not see your vision. Trust in yourself to know when to love these people from a distance.

2.) Stop Making Excuses

We all have some goals that we have be putting off for years, whether its weight-loss (guilty) or organizing your finances (also guilty), the only real thing standing in your way of accomplishing your goals is you. I have been developing this blog in my head literally since I was 8 years old. Although I had no idea what the internet would explode to be, I knew I wanted to write, edit, and own my own publication. The only reason Origin of Original is not as successful as it could be, or should be is because I haven’t put the time and effort in. For years we wait for the right time, the right people to come into our lives, and the right amount of income. We wait for everything to be right before we try to get right and it simply does not work that way. We have to put the work in every day until we begin to actualize the life that we want to live. There is no reason you can’t be the person you have always dreamed of starting right now today. I’m not saying it is going to be easy, or that there won’t be moments of extreme self-doubt, anxiety, and a deep desire to quit, but you will never know what cards will be dealt next if you don’t play the hand you have. Do the research, take the time to do it right, but most of all take the first step. That is the only way you will see the success you’ve always wanted.

3.) Love Unconditionally Always

The world can be very cold and miserable. News headlines are rarely positive, we hear about death and poverty every day. People are struggling to make ends me and the price of living seems to keep climbing. We get hurt by people we loved, shunned by strangers, and taken advantage of by significant others. We carry the weight of all our failures with us everywhere we go, but the only true way to overcome the inevitable sadness we feel at times is to remember to love unconditionally always. Love yourself, love those supportive people in your life, and love the very smallest of things. Show the universe gratitude for a beautiful sunset/sunrise, for a clear blue sky, or a hug from your children. If we focus on our love of life and our blessings then the icy coldness of the world begins to melt away. Release people from your life by forgiving them and moving on. Don’t hold on to anger, grudges, and jealousy, or anything that may taint your spirit. Live in love and be the light for those around you. Don’t let the pain of a previous relationship hold you back from having the one you ultimately deserve. Leave your baggage at the door you just walked through and move forward without the burdens of the past. Changing your mindset to one of gratitude will change your outlook on the world and transform your life. Try it.

4.) Stay in Your Lane

God created a lane specifically for you. The universe manifested you into the person you are. Did you know that it takes sperm nearly a week to travel to the egg? Along the way the sperm are killed by the acidity in women’s vaginas and even once they reach the egg the sperm can be rejected by the egg. When you understand the biology of creating a human being then you understand how much of a miracle it is that you are even here. Your time of birth is specific to you, down to the millisecond. Even twins don’t share the same time of birth. So when you think about it, your own lane is created just for you upon entry into this realm. Stay in the lane God created for you. Be guided by your intuition, your spirit, and your heart. Do what makes you happy but most of all what makes your body, spirit, and mind feel healthy. No need to look at what others are doing just focus on your path, your goals, dreams, and aspirations. Focus on the lane the Universe gifted you specifically.

5.) Single ≠ Lonely

Single does not equal lonely, please say it with me one more time for clarity. Single does not equal lonely. As human beings it’s biologically necessary for us to be coupled up, at least at one point or another. It is quite natural for us to view single people as undesirable and unattractive. It is biology after all. BUT we are sentient beings. We have thoughts, emotions, goals, and desires. We have free will and sometimes people choose to be single. Single life is the ticket to truly understanding yourself. It is a time for working on you. Being single gives you the opportunity to focus on your goals and dreams, but most of all your flaws. We need time alone to heal ourselves of the wounds caused by others and the ones we cause to ourselves. Referring back to lesson 1, don’t hold onto someone who makes you miserable just to prove that you’re not single. Better yet, don’t maintain casual relationships with toxic people while still insisting that you’re single. Learn to love being alone. Learn to enjoy your own company and bathe in your own silence. There you will find peace of mind. Once you fall in love with yourself others will fall in love with you as well, because it will radiate out from your being. Love and respect yourself so deeply that others will have no choice but to follow suit. Single does not equal lonely. Single equals confidence and ambition. The ability to break away from the social norms and establish yourself as a whole before finding you equally whole match.

2015 proved to be an exhausting year for all in my circle. For myself, I feel as if I have been drug through the mud only to come out golden. I learned my strength this year, I learned that there will always be obstacles but with hard work and dedication you can overcome anything and create the world you’ve always fantasized about. I am nowhere near where I want to be but 2016 has revealed itself to be promising but also mysterious.

5 Things I Learned in 2017